Good Friend Gone Bad

Good Friend Gone Bad

Realization of addiction.

You  really have been a friend too long.  Now it feels like I cannot make the disconnection and continue my life without you.  I guess its got to the point of enabling me.  You help me manage my emotions and it’s become to a fault, it’s starting to affect me physically.  I’m concerned it’s only mild now but eventually it will wear on my health and you will end up being my only friend and the one that will die with me.  I really can’t have that.  I have to learn to ‘walk” without you as my crutch.

In the beginning you made me feel accepted, a part of something, no matter how small.  This was pretty subconscious action, but now after years of a relationship, it’s easier to look back and see how it started.  As I grew I had periods in my life where I really didn’t need you as much and then times came when I needed much more.

Here I am 28 years later and realizing that this is no longer a positive effect or an innocent “habit” in my life.  It’s starting to interfere in my further growth.  If not terminated growth will stop and deterioration will set and I’m just not ready for that.

Saying goodbye to a relationship that still makes you happy, you can say goodbye happily I suppose or so it seems.  Saying goodbye to something life takes from you is final and there’s no other way to deal with it than to take the good that remains and move forward.  Voluntarily saying goodbye to something you still enjoy but is just no longer practical in your of life, it’s tough.

All those little, millions of emotions that you helped me deal with and got me through by just closing my eyes and ten minutes later my crisis had passed.  Now I’m left with those millions of emotions and having to learn at this age, how to deal with them.  If I just hadn’t got involved, I would have learned a long time ago.  I have learned though, and not all is lost.  I make a mistake and I learn that’s good. I make a mistake and learn nothing and make the same over and over, that’s bad.  I can’t keep making this mistake or this mistake will make my life.

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